A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
