shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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