We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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