You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
