I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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