Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
