Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
