I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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