All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
