Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
