My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
foreskin is a definite game changer
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
