I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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