At least make sure they are 18
Why
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
