So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
