Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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