I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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