There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
porn star boner night. come get it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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