I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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