Where did you get a picture of my penis
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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