I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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