SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
