Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
