Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
