so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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