Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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