i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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