living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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