I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
