4 words: hood of his car
i just sent this text using only my big toe
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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