It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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