the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The power of my boobs compel you
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
