sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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