i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
