3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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