You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize