Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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