wrigley field is MILF paradise
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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