Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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