man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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