halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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