a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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