Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Let's paint friendship bongs
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
