I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
