quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
