I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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