I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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