There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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