My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
