His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
