after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
