I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
