Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
