The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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