he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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