did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
