Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
