so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I need to stop coming to work sober
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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