I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
