Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
