I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Bring me that man meat
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
