pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
