high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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