I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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