I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
