Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
