He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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