The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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