you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
