I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
